So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
