but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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