i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
