If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
