I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
