I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
