My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize