Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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