i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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