I have demons in me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
