Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
