Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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