I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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