Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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