finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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