3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
