And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
