You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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