I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
it's like heaven, but drunker
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize