i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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