So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
