I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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