dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
