So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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