I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize