My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
