I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
