i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
