is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize