You just made me feel so damn special
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
