Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
