I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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