My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize