I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
my liver is dry heaving
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
