I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
