Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize