She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
