franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She told me I should be a condom model.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
