but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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