Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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