He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
