There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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