There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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