Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
