Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
