she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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