if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
