This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
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