Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I've blown a few things in my day
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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