toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
