Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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