I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize