This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
