im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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