i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
