Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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