I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
