your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All I want is dick and wine.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
