Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize