Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
