yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
