Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
