You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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