my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
