I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
