But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
