i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
