When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
