i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize