so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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