Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
