omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
All I want is dick and wine.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
